Discover About How To Discipline Kids
Discover about how to discipline kids
Q-My teenage son is a master at changing the subject when we are trying to solve a problem that it is maddening. I fall for it every time.
Diversionary Tactics – When a child changes the subject with diversionary tactic to take your attention off of what you are talking about, say, “What we are talking about is ___.” Be a broken record if you need to. Say it until they stay focused. If diversionary tactics (DT’s) are chronic, call to the child’s attention what they are doing and ask them to stop. Changing the subject is a diversionary tactic that is frequently used when a person (child or adult) feels uncomfortable or defensive about the subject being discussed. It is easy to lose track of the problem that you really want to solve when people manipulate this way.
Q-How can I make agreements with my child that they will actually accept that it is important for them to follow though?
The Principle of Participation: First, identify the problem; second get a “buy in” to what each person will do; third, end up with an agreement. Let the child know the facts of the situation, by identifying a problem to be solved and turn it over to your child to participate in solving it. Stop, listen, and let them think about it. Have a conversation with the child. Don’t merely state your solution without using their participation. Use discipline (teaching), not punishment. This means letting your child talk. Thinking takes time. Don’t turn off all the good you want to do by lecturing. Children don’t listen to lectures as much as parents think that they ought to. You may also have them write down their agreement and post it in the kitchen.
Set the rules and boundaries WITH the person’s participation as to what the agreements are. If someone falls down, go back to, “I understood that we had an agreement that you would _____.” EXPECT compliance by getting agreements using the communication techniques described in #3 as soon as is developmentally able to do so.
Q-Why does my daughter tune me out? As soon as I start explaining something to her she gets a glazed look in her eyes and isn’t paying attention any more.
Don’t Talk Too Much: Lecturing should be avoided. Most parents enjoy hearing themselves talk, enjoy hearing themselves solve problems for the child, enjoy being the grown up with all the answers, but their enjoyment comes at a substantial cost to the child. When there is a problem to be solved, engage your child in a solution right away. For example, “Jimmy, I see that your grades have slipped and the teacher says that it is mostly due to homework not being handed in or being unfinished.” (The fact) Your silence is golden. Your statement of the facts and silence are more likely to get a conversation going where together you can come up with solutions that your child will buy into and agree to.
Lawyer Scott J. stadler practices Divorce & Family Law in Broward County, Florida. His office is located in the city of Coral Springs. He can be reached at (954) 346-6464.
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